October 17, 2012 the day I have
been dreading for the previous year. The day I turned 50, half a century, 1/2 a
hundred, reaching the top of the hill across the meadow, anyway you get the
point. I have never had a problem with a birthday; of course when you are
younger they really don't mean anything. Just another day. You feel you will always be young.
They always say that 50 is a MILESTONE as is 18, 21,30 and 40. Yes
they are important ones; something momentous is associated with each. At
18 you become a legal adult and you can legally smoke, at 21 you become a legal
drinker, 30 and 40's are just important decades. When you become 50 you
begin to enter into the world of the SENIOR CITIZEN. I’m getting my
applications in the mail for AARP and Senior Citizen discounts. In your
youth you never think about getting here. I can remember looking at my
parents at this age and thinking wow 50 that is old. I’m never going to
get there. Man was I was so wrong.
So why am I having such a hard
time?
Well statistics for 2008 say a
white male will live to the age of 76.
Well that gives me 26 more years to live. I sometimes feel I have too much I want to accomplish before
I go, or get to the point where I can’t.
Again as a younger person you feel you are going to live forever. Now the end of the road seems to be
just around the corner. Now I
realize that individuals can and will go either way of the average. There are several factors that
contribute.
I have before never felt my age
or felt old. I can honestly say
that this birthday I feel every day of 50. I feel like I have been rode hard
and put away wet. I have had
several health concerns to deal with. I am diabetic, have high blood pressure, high
cholesterol, clinical depression and sleep apnea. I have recently been
diagnosed with a slipped disk and severe spinal stenosis, which has put me in
pain 24/7. I have taken to using a wheel chair or scooter when I go shopping;
now need to use a shower chair to take a shower. I can stand for no longer than 5 minutes without the pain
becoming excruciating; it is becoming harder for me to get up stairs, and
because of the nerve situation in my back occasionally incontinent. Of course
for all the above-mentioned conditions I take a plethora of medications. Now if that isn’t old I don’t know what
is.
I have never seen or thought of
myself as old, but now when I look at myself I see a Senior Citizen. I see myself as my parents and how my
kids quite possibly see me.
People have told me life starts
at 50, and that life is what you make it etc. etc. etc. And I know they are right. I just need to get past this hump. I hope that once the back situation
gets taken care of and I can start exercising again then by diabetes and hypertension
will get under control and ill begin feeling better and see thing in a more
positive light.
Now I’m not going to post this
blog with out ending in a positive note.
The highpoint of turning 50 was the birth of my gorgeous granddaughter,
Kahloni, lovingly referred by me as Lonieburgers. She is a true bright light.
Please read and follow me
offering positive affirmations along the journey.
